To Karmic Obstacles

I'm continuing to reflect on karma. To have karmic obstacles requires a sense of "self" to be obstructed. And so here I think I am.

One of the very tangible ways I've changed in the past few years is that when I feel ill, I just feel ill. In Lithuania I lay on a bed and vomited for two days. Last week, I had a very strong headache that lasted for days. And now my tummy is very unhappy.

I used to fret. Now I sit in the fog and surrender. This came from somewhere. And it will go away. And there's nothing but now, already past, the momentary fruition of previous karma. Of seeds too subtle and manifold to identify. But here I am, yearning and typing and breathing and hurting and shaking my head ruefully at something Chozen once said about vows.

Namely, that when a vow is made, the conditions that oppose it also come into being. They find form, begin to clatter their weapons and shout threats on the wind. They hoist their standards, array themselves in all their glory on a nearby ridge, and proceed to glare hungrily. And you find yourself thinking, "Shit, what have I gotten myself into?" Looking at that, a writhing stomach is the least of my worries. And is exactly my worries.