Having No Future Thoughts

I've been exploring lately the committment I've made to Rob, and what keeping and violating it looks like.

Without getting into details, I’ll just say that it’s not working the way a long-term partnership should. And, given the option, wouldn’t it be better to turn one’s energy toward a promising life situation?

Nonetheless, last Fall Rob and I made a committment until late March. Unless there is some emergency of sanity, I intend to keep that commitment. Doing so is mostly an internal orientation. When I find I'm not really honoring it, it’s because I really think I know the answer (“no”) and am turning away and looking toward the next step– planning for the fabulous life that comes after this draining and infuriating and charming situation is behind me.

Staying true to the commitment means being willing to engage with yet another bizarre inexplicable crisis. With being open to a few days of blessed ease and humor. With just giving up on having any answer at all and not knowing what lies ahead.

And it’s not so bad; this is a precious and productive time, largely because it is finite. We’re certainly learning a great deal about our selves! A little bit of psychological insight goes a long way. Our basic understanding of subpersonalities, mostly through Voice Dialogue theory, has been priceless; without this perspective, the situation would have degenerated long ago.

There's no need to plan for Spring (or Summer, or thereafter) until this committment is through. And if I stay the course until then, I will almost certainly learn something I don't know now.