Thursday, November 10, 2005

Dental Tourism to Lithuania

Apparently I'm not the first person to flee to Lithuania for some serious dentistry. I'm looking forward to being able to eat nuts again. And to the sweet feel of gold in my mouth rather than ...holes.

  • http://www.gidenta.lt/en/apiemus.xhtml


  • and

  • http://www.denticija.lt/index.php?-880876803


  • Other news gleaned from online sources:

    "Lithuanians were staunchly pagan until the 1300s, when they still worshiped the likes of Perkunas, god of thunder. They've been staunch Catholics for going on six centuries, but many still speak with a tinge of regret about the loss of their heathen rituals."

    "In medieval times, Lithuania was a major European power. By sheer military might and diplomatic skill, Lithuania by 1400 was an empire stretching to the Black Sea; it included large tracts of present-day Ukraine, Belarus and Russia. This grand history leads some Lithuanian leaders to act peculiarly as if they still represent a great power."

    Mind & Life XIII--Day 2/Session 3: How to Get Undepressed

    This day went more smoothly: the sound system had been fixed, His Holiness’ health had improved, and the panelists had a certain rapport with one another.

    Zindel Segal reported that people who have been depressed before are very likely to become depressed again. Individuals who have experienced depression seem to take “normal” sadness as a cue to engage in depressive thinking, and the more readily they have these thought this predicts how readily they will have a relapse.

    “Depressive thinking” arises automatically, without consideration, and has an avoidant aspect: you’re trying to suppress things or keep them at a distance. It’s very self-centered and repetitive; it doesn’t solve any problems, and it traces the same thoughts over and over. Classic ruminations of this sort would be along the lines of “happiness=success and wealth”; “making (or admitting to) a mistake is a sign of weakness”; or my favorite, “If others respected me I’d feel fulfilled.” What’s more, you’re sure you’re a terrible person for feeling depressed.

    People who have been depressed before are likely to perceive these thoughts as containing some emotional wisdom, and ruminating on them to be a problem-solving activity. Not surprisingly, when you’re thinking this way, your problem-solving skills are actually quite diminished!

    Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is designed to prevent a relapse in people who have been depressed, by retraining some of these habits of mind. Instruction effectively counteracts the tendencies of depressive thinking. What if you didn’t see your thoughts as anything but passing weather? Could moods be curious mental events that will pass, that don’t necessarily reflect the truth, and are amenable to modification?

    This is essentially the skill set that I’ve learned from residential Zen practice. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything: I deeply appreciate the emptiness of my thoughts, opinions, and moods. But I’m also really happy that a stripped-down cognitive system is available to folks who aren’t able (or foolish enough) to sign up for the monastic treatment.

    It’s also reassuring to me to see that MBCT training involves looking at elements of ones’ life, and encouraging habits that counteract depression. The little gems of mental hygiene I’ve discovered as a result of looking minutely at my thoughts and feelings are all incorporated in MBCT! Just grounding the awareness in the body has saved me from many a precipice. Giving internal voices a chance to weigh in and be heard is a key part of good mental hygiene, in my view. At some point I found that engaging in creative activity--doing something pleasant that I’m good at--greatly reduced the incidence of (apparently) spontaneous angry thoughts.

    These all pay off tremendously and should be a part of everyone’s life—and they all turn up in MBCT because they work for people in general, not just me. Actually, studies show that this therapy works best for people who have had recurrent depression. That would be me! I’m so happy that this is available to people. The hardest thing about depression is that complete lack of hope. You really think you’re the most miserable piece or crap, totally alone in the world. Ironically, depression is so devastating because the depressed person is actually far from alone--they’re part of an epidemic. Turns out, depression is projected by the WHO to rank second (behind heart disease) as the health issue that is most costly.

    Helen Mayberg, a colleague and collaborator of Dr. Segal's next presented some really breathtaking research. Using PET scans, researchers have been able to identify regions of the brain that experience either increased or decreased activity during depression. One sort of depression mimics “normal” sadness: the prefrontal cortex shuts down, and the hypothalamus, insula and cingulate all light up. In very rough terms, this translates as: you become mentally numb, and emotional centers deep in the brain light up.

    This is a neurological correlate of the behavioral observation that depressive types tend to linger over and concretize their sadness, setting the stage for relapse. Dr. Mayberg noted that illness can be conceived of as the inability of a system to rebalance or right itself following a disruption. In depression, a normal disruption of feeling sad (rejected, lost, grief-stricken, disappointed) persists—because of choices we make--, and the system falls more solidly out of balance, until you have a persistent biological reality that you can’t shake.

    For those individuals whose depression is so debilitating and persistent that it can’t be cured by therapy, medication, or even shock therapy, Dr Mayberg and colleagues have found a cure. It’s striking in its audacity as well as the often instantaneous relief it affords from what is often years of torment.

    While the patient is awake, an electrode is inserted into the cingulate 25 nucleus, and when it reaches its target, the results are astounding. It’s as if the veil is lifted. In a sudden reversal of some of the most dogging symptoms of depression, patients will suddenly become talkative and inquisitive about the operating room, or spontaneously begin expressing fondness and gratitude for the medical staff gathered around them. Afterwards, with the stimulator permanently implanted, patients’ problems aren’t’ magically solved, but they report feeling like themselves again, and have a sense that they can finally begin to work on their life issues.

    (Interesting that you can have a sense of “this is how I really am”, in spite of being enshrouded in a deluded mental state for years or lifetimes beforehand. How we know when something true came up later.)

    At this point, some discussion ensued about whether it might be possible to tailor mindfulness-based treatment for depression to a patient’s particular type of depression, and whether the treatment would adopt a mechanical, skill-centered approach, or instead address really modifying how people conceive of the self and the unpleasantries it encounters as an inevitable part of life.

    Chozen Bays noted that hell is equivalent to hopelessness, and that meditation (or cingulate stimulation) can provide some relief from depression so that people can truly practice. We all want a magic pill, but treatment of any sort is only a prelude to the work one must do for oneself. She opined that we nourish the brain with what we take in, and that a diet of violence is not appropriate. We simply aren’t wired to live with a world’s worth of suffering bombarding us through the news media. In light of the challenges of this age, she said, “we need the extraordinary help the dharma provides.” How true.

    And with that, Chozen was on her way to becoming one of the very popular people of this conference. Fortunately I got a chance to visit with her and say hi before other people discovered what I am privileged to know-- namely, what a lucid and heartfelt person she is.

    There’s more to say, but I’ll leave it there for now.

    Wednesday, November 09, 2005

    Easy "Thai" Curry Recipe

    From Beni, long ago; for Leo, today.

    Mince a few garlic cloves and a chunk of ginger.

    Saute in oil. You can add black pepper and other spices (like basil or turmeric) now.

    Add diced onions and saute until softer

    Add 2 T curry paste

    Add 1 qt water, and buillion cube

    Chop up and add veggies in an appropriate order. If necessary, microwave a "tough" veggie (like carrots) for five minutes to soften them.

    I usually add cubed tofu near the end.

    Turn off heat. Add miso, if using (whisk in a small bowl first). Add 1 can of coconut milk. Add lime juice to taste.

    Tuesday, November 08, 2005

    Impressions on Mind and Life XIII: A Cursory Look Around the Science of Mind

    My biggest impression from this first day of the Mind & Life conference is that sometimes it’s better to buy the album than shell out for the concert.

    DAR Constitution Hall is not the Dalai Lama’s living room, and the presentations that occurred there today were not conversations among equals as much as Neurobiology Lite, packaged and dumbed-down for your inspiration. I had hoped that the ticket price bought the opportunity to eavesdrop on a sparkling discussion of current research and an exchange of insights into how Buddhist understanding informs modern health and neurobiology. Alas. Those who shared my conceit are trudging home sadder but poorer tonight.

    Very little new material was presented, and those who prepared—as I did—by reading the book-versions of previous conferences, found much of the material to be repetitive, shallow, or both. What was new and interesting were His Holiness’ contributions, which were infrequent and hard to understand, and would have been more easily digested by reading this year’s book than by actually sitting through the proceedings.

    To be honest, His Holiness has a cold, and the sound of him blowing his nose reverberated throughout the hall in a most bizarre manner. It’s a testament to his skill, and the rather poor sound quality, that his expositions in Tibetan were more satisfying than the translations. But the poor man looked like he needed a rest. He’ll meet with the president tomorrow, followed by Condoleezza Rice. Seems to me he'll need some strength to face the architects of one of the greatest sources of suffering in the present age. (NB: that the war in Iraq is a source of suffering is an objective observation rather than a political statement. Whether or not you think it’s worth the suffering is where politics comes in.)

    Of great importance to me as I contemplate whether another round in the academic realm is right for me: the contrast between meditators and scientists was striking, and it didn’t flatter the scientists. Onstage, the various Buddhist practitioners, all of them people of long practice, spoke and moved in an unfettered way that seemed completely natural and balanced. It would have seemed unremarkable had they not been paired with stiff, posturing, pontificating scientists.

    For me, taking a path apart from practice was never an option, but now I’m seriously doubting that I’d want to work in a lab every day. Perhaps some well-adjusted researchers will turn up tomorrow. And perhaps I’ll find my grail: a researcher for whom practice is the foundation of life, rather than a utilitarian add-on that lets them tolerate more stress. Sadly, just being a scientist-meditator is apparently not sufficient to make one a sane person: one such individual, who I've long worshipped from afar, seemed like a combative jerk; I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt—perhaps he was infuriated by the sound system too–but he seemed quite arrogant. Pretty disappointing.

    There was plenty of content of merit. Some of it was familiar, but very nicely-stated. Ajahn Amaro and Mathieu Ricard both expounded the teachings with a lovely freshness and openhearted ease.

    Points of note:

    Ways in which the Buddhist view of mind has been modified by science:
    1. Brain, not heart, as the seat of consciousness
    2. Basis of sensory experience is in the brain and does not reside in the sense organs themselves

    Mathieu Ricard:
    True mental health may be more than the absence of mental illness/Our normal state of mind is an epidemic

    Meditation is not a hobby involving going limp: just as in science, there is a therapeutic goal of addressing needs common to all humanity.

    Ajahn Amaro:
    Dukkha
    = the capacity of the mind to lose balance and become emotionally distresses.
    Four noble truths are presented in the form of a classical Indian medical diagnosis:
    1. symptom
    2. cause
    3. prognosis
    4. method of treatment—a threefold prescription of ethical behavior, mental cultivation, and insightful understanding

    The Buddha said that any path that contains these three elements will surely lead one to peace and liberation, but if a discipline lacks one of these elements, it cannot do so.

    Ajahn Amaro & Fr. Keating: (Father Thomas Keating was a big hit. Articulate, heartfelt, and very wise, he earned several rounds of applause. The plan for the future is to have more representatives of contemplative traditions in attendance.)
    Two kinds of suffering
    1. unavoidable, endemic physical and emotional pain, “the central suffering of a limited universe” which you can’t do anything about.
    2. Adventitious suffering: what the mind adds on; fretting, anxiety, etc.; eradicable and treatable

    It is possible to be at peace whilst being subjected to great physical and emotional pain.

    Although basic suffering is innate, so to is the capacity to focus attention, and to investigate the nature of experience, including our responses to suffering. These must be cultivated.

    Uncontrived state of mind= pure awareness

    Robert Sapolsky:

    Dopamine is released not upon reward, but when anticipating a reward. Anticipation itself is what’s pleasurable: that wondering if you’ll get what you want.

    In the short term, stress heightens attention, improves memory (improved hippocampus-dependent memory), raises your energy level (elevated blood oxygen and glucose), and feels good (dopamine). Chronically, these are all exhausted, and the opposite is true. Plus amygdala (fear response area) function is increased; it becomes larger and sprouts more connections—you are literally trapped by fear.

    Some types of stress are pleasurable (roller coaster; scary movie) while others cause extreme health problems. Lack of control in a hostile environment=profoundly stressful. Chronic activation of (healthy, adaptive) stress responses leads to stress-related medical disorders.

    Key distinctions between fun stress and killer stress are: predictability; perception of control; hope for the future; friends; and availability of someone to bite (if a rat).

    Some people are not traumatized by extreme stress, and whether stress is manageable or traumatic seems to depend on one's perception of her environment. Is it benign, or threatening?

    Creating a benign environment. Alan Wallace quotes the Buddha, “The Sangha is the whole of practice.” And indeed, living in a community can be a tremendous source of support, as well as a boundless field of challenge and opportunity to watch the self arise and have opinions.

    50% of mammalian violence is caused by proximal stress, often “passed-on” abuse from another individual: you beat me up, then I go kick the dog. As humans, we have a biological predisposition to spread violence, and the moral imperative to train our minds not to.

    No correlation between intellectual intelligence and moral compass. Level of intelligence does not predict a person's altruism. Those who perform incredibly heroic acts were often taught from childhood about right and wrong. They do not report reasoning about their selflessness, rather “The next thing I knew I had dived into the river.”

    People are notoriously bad at predicting what will make them happy. Marriage doesn’t do it for long; widowhood doesn’t destroy it for long; and being wealthy doesn’t do it either.

    A recurring theme was that experienced meditators have increased activity in the prefrontal cortex, the area that controls decision-making and emotional expression. This may explain moderated responses to unsettling stimuli, as well as greater emotional equanimity in daily life.

    Sunday, November 06, 2005

    Approaching DC from the Air

    Arlington cemetery is right by the Pentagon,
    by the place where the plane flew in.

    I don’t claim to know if war is right, only that it hurts.
    So much of this life I enjoy is based on forgotten sacrifice.

    Friday, November 04, 2005

    OSU Cover Letter

    Dear Colleagues in the College of Science,

    I hope you’ll consider contacting me if your department requires an interim instructor in the biological sciences.

    As you can see from my résumé, I combine a strong background as a research scientist with extensive teaching experience. I most enjoy lecturing at the undergraduate level, and am particularly interested in teaching and mentoring young people.

    My greatest strengths are in making complicated material lucid and accessible to a range of learning styles, and in conveying genuine enthusiasm for a topic. I’ve taught lectures and lab classes, using pedagogical techniques ranging from inquiry-based learning to straight-ahead didacticism.

    If you look carefully, you’ll see that I’m revisiting my academic roots after a hiatus. I’ve been living in Zen monasteries as residential trainee for the past two-and-a-half years. I came to this discipline via the same driving curiosity about fundamental questions that sparked my interest in neuroscience and my graduate research in the genetics of lifespan and aging: What are we? What does it mean to be conscious? What does it mean to be alive? I found intensive meditation practice to be a deeply satisfying way of investigating this human life from the inside.

    One of the primary foci of my Zen training has been communicating the essential truth of things to others so that is understood on an intellectual, as well as intuitive, level. I am extremely interested in working with undergraduates in a manner that implicitly celebrates the wonder of the natural world and our place in it, utilizing the framework of scientific reasoning and the vast store of our factual knowledge about how living things function.

    Although my current interest is in a temporary position, I could very well be available for a longer commitment. I hope that you’ll contact me if I might be of service to your department and your students.

    Sincerely,

    D G

    Tuesday, November 01, 2005

    Teaching

    I had the honor of sitting in on two first-year Japanese classes at OSU.

    I didn't learn any Japanese-- the classes were not nearly my level-- but I did learn that I really like young adults, and I'm more interested than ever in teaching undergraduates.

    Wednesday, October 26, 2005

    Ireland's Time, Oregon's Trees

    I am getting excited about this trip to Ireland. Particularly seeing the North. Even though I say I want to look into Ireland's future, I'm nevertheless thrilled at the prospect of seeing old Christian and pre-Christian sites. Especially Emhain Macha.

    Oregon is just as old as Ireland. Our soil and our rocks are as ancient, our hills as dignified. And in some ways it's so beautiful that Ireland can scarcely compare.

    Fall is brilliant this year. In these rolling costal mountains, the maples are like golden spheres nestled in green velvet hills. Vistas change by the day, as colors become more mottled, and slowly start to fade. Like any living thing. The vineyard across the way is dusted with brilliant yellow across the tops of the vines, but the sheltered underparts are still green.

    What Ireland has is tangible evidence of thousands of years of human aspiration and strife. Forts build to repel Vikings, Norman, and William of Orange. Old market towns and grand walled cities. But there are almost no old forests there: you might find a forest park on an old estate, or a new timber plantation. In Oregon, even the "new" forests are a hundred years old, and they're complicated, mossy and beautiful. Especially at this time of year-- breathtaking.

    What Ireland has are people, and a march of human history that is stunning in its scope and often-terrible beauty.

    Tuesday, October 25, 2005

    The Once and Future Ireland

    I’m planning a trip to Ireland. Or wishing I could plan. I might make some plans, but inevitably there would come along a shutdown or a slowdown or an overbooking or a bank holiday weekend. Whatever logistical masterpiece had been concocted stateside would unravel in the face of Ireland’s joyful chaos. It’s inevitable; if you ask directions of one of the 50% of Irish who are young—under 25—you will surely find yourself in impenetrable Gaeltacht. Even if you started out in Dublin! Nothing you trust at home works here: not your plans, and not even the once-mighty American dollar.

    The Irish appreciate irony and other literary furbelows, and so they must particularly chuckle that the Americans – those starry-eyed tourists who propped up the economy for decades --are these days irrelevant. Actually, at worst, they’re irritating: their stingy bottoms take up a pub stool where natives and repatriates with fat pocketbooks could otherwise sit.

    It true what they say: Ireland (a developing nation when I last visited six years ago) has become the richest country in Europe. It’s a silly time for a penniless Zen girl to visit, but my curiosity is piqued. Are the country roads still narrow and unstriped? The towns still sleepy? The teens still aching for someplace exciting to expend their youthful energies? Of course that undeveloped stodgy charm is what brought the tourists, possibly a rapidly-vanishing phenomenon in our right.

    We wanted those tiny roads, with stone walls that flashed by scant inches from our car’s tender side panels. We wanted those picture-postcard views of thatched cottages; those sheep crossing the road; those crinkly-eyed old men in tweed. Even Dublin, with its swank boutiques and up-and-coming restaurants, was a destination because visitors were drawn to the history: the Georgian buildings; the cathedrals; the gracious parks and avenues that kept the Anglo-Irish from feeling homesick during long centuries of occupation. And all those antiquities and oddities were there, compliantly waiting to part us from our dollars. The “Leprechaun” shops along the Ring of Kerry. The Aran sweaters handknit for you by a certain Mrs. Kelly. The tourist trade was done well, and it had to be: whole towns and regions would have crumbled otherwise.

    And so they came to Ireland. We did. As if by magnetism, returning. Even if we weren’t full-blooded, had lost our kin, and didn’t know exactly which county or region was ours. That mysterious yet totally bankable feeling of returning home is shared by full- and diluted-blood Irish alike. Nostalgia for the ould sod kisses the cheek of New World quadroon and octoroon, too. Ireland, our native soil, calls to us, a shimmering green jewel in a sea of magic….

    Of course the reality of that long-ago life was anything but romantic for those who left their homes. Only the full force of Victoriana, an undiluted syrup forcefully applied in contradiction of all fact, could make life in old Ireland out to be a pleasant thing. The charmingly-huge families crammed into dirt-floored cottages. The soul-killing work. Religious violence and oppression. Poorly-conceived rebellion and brutal retribution. And the famine that obliterated millions, while others fled, and landed in America as refugees, there to enjoy the quaint benefits of hatred and discrimination.

    To this day, the Irish national and personal psyche seems marred by that past. Go back to Ireland, listen carefully, and you will begin to see the dark side of this heritage. After a round or three at the pub, having been charmed to pieces by the legendary friendliness of the Irish, it may suddenly strike you that although you’ve told your life story to the fellow on the next barstool, you don’t know a single thing about him. Or that the girl who drew your pint had a funny bruise on her cheek. That the old people glued to their stools along the bar are there because they can’t or won’t go elsewhere. Come to think of it, there’s an awful lot of drinking going on for “nothing being the matter”.

    This is the tough hide of the soul, the wounded determination to survive, to hide, to smile when it’s time and celebrate while you can. There and here, the Irish have been tenacious, faithful, and dogged. The alcoholic norm, and the friendliness that conceals rather reveals, are outdated but once tragically-useful means of coping with a pretty depressing set of circumstances. They may not know it themselves, but the Irish have been wiser and tougher than they let on.

    Lest this sound simplistic or judgemental: you who are abroad, take a moment to reflect on America’s cowboy past. And notice all the ways the Wild West still marks our behaviour, as individuals and as a nation. To Americans this influence is largely unseen, precisely because it is so fundamental to the national psyche.

    So here are the Irish, themselves still, but richer than before, moving forward. Ireland’s long stasis is over. As the money flows, it touches every aspect of life. Slowly the high cobbled city streets, the green hills dotted with cottages, are being crowded out by new construction.

    If you don’t like change, and few do, there’s something sad about a picturesque countryside decorated with gigantic new houses for modern “small” families -- only three or four children. Whatever the baggage might be, it now has economic power behind it; prosperity has arrived, with all the promises and betrayals of what money can buy. Whatever depression, shame or inferiority moves undetected below the surface now navigates a bright, uncertain future.

    It’s this future that I want to find out about. Accepting that everything changes, that the tiny towns and quiet roads may be gone, that the old people with their shocking innocence will die out, I come instead to see what Ireland will bloom into. Whatever has happened is gone, but it is all a preparation for what is to come.

    The future involves everything about the past, every hidden possibility and pitfall, every bright potential in the human heart. The future is where Ireland faces the possibility of becoming a freeway-riddled post-industrial wasteland. It’s where she succeeds or fails in finding a way to skilfully address abuses of—and also by—an exploding immigrant population. The future is where the old ways, the wholesome and infuriating old ways, silently fade, leaving only an imprint of uncertain origin.

    This is a switch, from rural to industrial, that Japan did not do well. In the space of a few decades, an agrarian country was brutally transformed into a wasteland. For centuries, isolation and poverty bred a beautiful practical simplicity. Now, lush hillsides have been obliterated, thanks to too much cronyism and too little regulation. Some Japanese really do see this sad destruction as “progress”, a triumph over the wild, the unspoiled, and the mundane.

    Even if you can’t plan the specifics, it is possible to meet the future with open eyes. Now–while the past is still strong, while people remember, and the old ways still move the blood—now is the time to think and talk about what Ireland will become. And that’s why I’m going this time. To take part in that conversation.

    Wednesday, October 19, 2005

    Knowledge of Self


    Knowledge of Self
    Originally uploaded by 真斗.
    "We cannot truly know ourselves without others to serve as our mirrors." -Daisen Takamitsu

    (thanks to Matthew Combs for this)

    Tuesday, October 18, 2005

    Mistrust in Mind

    Inside a Master's Magical Mind

    Monday, October 17, 2005
    TOM HALLMAN Jr.

    ALBANY -- A blanket of ivy hides one side of the 100-year-old house not far from Albany's old downtown. Peeling stucco on one corner reveals a crumbling foundation. Sheets of plastic and old curtains block the windows, some shaped like keyholes. From the street, the place looks abandoned.

    The only way into the house is through the back door, where a doorbell produces alien tones that summon the man of the house. With a great flourish, Jerry Andrus waves his arms toward the dark unheated interior.

    "Welcome," the 87-year-old says in a gravelly voice, "to the Castle of Chaos."

    The man one of the world's best-known magicians calls "the Thomas Edison of magic" has been up since dawn, puttering around the workshop he set up decades ago. The room is jammed floor to 10-foot ceiling with tools, electronic equipment, cords, switches, pieces of metal and gizmos that look as if they're from the set of a 1950s science-fiction movie.

    No more than three people can fit in what once was the dining room of the house Andrus has lived in since childhood. Even then, they must walk single file along a 2-foot-wide trail worn into the hardwood floor. The path ends in a small clearing surrounded by mountains of debris. Buried somewhere is a manual typewriter Andrus last saw about 1970. Years ago, junk filled the living room of the house and blocked the front door, which hasn't been opened since the Kennedy administration.

    Like a CD player on random shuffle, his mind bounces from one subject to the next. He makes up words and nonexistent medical conditions, writes them down and files them -- he has more than 79 pages' worth so far. But mostly he obsesses about inventions, magic tricks, illusions, songs, poetry, prose and, above all, the complex nature of the human mind and the ways he can fool it.

    Trying to explain him to the uninitiated is like trying to describe the color blue

    He never attended college. Yet he's lectured at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Harvard and Stanford. He's most comfortable in his workshop. Yet he's performed across the United States as well as in England, Spain, Chile, Germany, Japan, Finland, Belgium, France, Holland and Denmark.

    For the past 30 years, Andrus has recorded his thoughts, sometimes minute by minute, on a tape player he carries in his pocket, and the total now amounts to more than 2 million words, many collected in four thick volumes titled "Some of the Scribulations of Jerry Andrus." He printed them on the press he used to keep upstairs, in his bedroom. The remainder are on the laptop he bolted to a treadmill in the middle of his kitchen. Andrus wraps a thick fabric belt around his middle to steady himself, turns on the treadmill and walks at a fair clip while pecking at the keyboard.

    Always tinkering

    Andrus steps over the treadmill and leads the way to his workshop. With his thick white wavy hair and metal-framed glasses that make his brown eyes appear large and intense, Andrus looks like what you might imagine when you think of an inventor working out of his house. He wears brown pants and a long-sleeve white shirt with four pens in the front pocket. His 1980s digital watch includes a 20-button calculator. "I haven't used the calculator in years," he says. "Somewhere around here, I have the owner's manual."

    He worked as a lineman for a power company and retired at 53. A lifelong bachelor, he's devoted himself to creating and inventing. He can't leave well enough alone. Using his thumbs just to hit the space bar on his computer seemed inefficient. So Andrus rigged up separate keys that allow his thumbs to capitalize letters and make changes to the computer's programs.

    He tore apart his lawn mower, moved the motor and installed a small bike wheel on the front and two more on the back so he could easily maneuver around trees. He devised a welder's helmet with a series of levers that allowed the operator to raise and lower the protective lenses by opening and closing his mouth.

    On one wall in his workshop is a massive electric organ Andrus built from a kit. He outfitted it with dozens of switches and levers that allow him to play with his fingers, elbows and knees. He also installed an electric eye so he could play by moving his body through the beam.

    An ex-soldier's dream

    Andrus rummages under a table, looking for one of his optical illusions. He can't find it, of course. So he opens a battered briefcase and brings out a deck of cards. He shuffles while explaining that when he got out of the Army after World War II he wanted to join the Portland Society of Magicians. "To be admitted," he says, "I had to have a trick. I was shy and uncomfortable on the stage. I had three minutes with a 50-cent piece. Halfway through, I dropped the coin. I picked it up but was too embarrassed to proceed. A year later, I came back and did OK."

    Andrus watched magicians perform card tricks, and he eventually learned the shuffles and sleights of hand passed down through generations. But Andrus, always tinkering, set out to invent new card manipulations. And then -- no longer the shy man on stage -- he began performing.

    "I was at a convention," he says. "All the best magicians were there, and I did a trick. The effect is where the cards are all mixed up, some face up, others face down. Typically, you do a slop shuffle, talking and misdirecting and then spread the cards out, and they are all face up. I did it but with no pass, no slop shuffle or misdirection. They were floored."

    Rick Killion, a California magician, says Andrus' sleight of hand is "from another planet."

    "He can make cards do what no one else can," Killion says. "He'll put four aces in the deck upside down, and they appear on top, right-side up without the standard shuffle. He can make an entire deck vanish. He fools other magicians."

    Andrus is the most senior member of the Magic Castle, a private club for magicians in Hollywood. A couple of times a year, Milt Larson, the owner, brings Andrus down to perform close-up magic and illusions. "He's an absolute genius," Larson says. "People consider him the last of the living legends. Most tricks are based on old principles. He does things that are difficult to explain. You've got to see them. He pulled off an optical illusion where a giant mask that was on the stage suddenly appeared over the audience and scared the hell out of everyone."

    Mindful of fooling the mind

    Andrus is the most senior member of the Magic Castle, a private club for magicians in Hollywood. A couple of times a year, Milt Larson, the owner, brings Andrus down to perform close-up magic and illusions. "He's an absolute genius," Larson says. "People consider him the last of the living legends. Most tricks are based on old principles. He does things that are difficult to explain. You've got to see them. He pulled off an optical illusion where a giant mask that was on the stage suddenly appeared over the audience and scared the hell out of everyone."

    Jerry Andrus shoves the deck of cards back into his briefcase and sets it on the workshop floor. He roots around the room, looking for one of his optical illusions. He pulls out a massive wheel with a three-dimensional spiral he created on a metal lathe. He spins the wheel, telling a visitor to stare at the center and then quickly turn and look at a photograph on the back wall. The images undulate.

    "I'm fascinated by the way the human mind works," he says. "The mind is the most intelligent thing in the universe. The reason we can fool it is because we're on autopilot."


    A book of his illusions was published in Japan. Others have been featured in science magazines. In past years, he's lectured at colleges as well as at the Hewlett-Packard research lab in San Jose, Calif. His subject was the mind, vision and the way the brain functions. His audiences were made up of experts studying cognitive science -- how humans think. "Optical illusions violate the way the world works," he says. "In an optical illusion, the eye tells you one thing and the brain tells you another."

    He pulls out other illusions he invented and explains them, one by one. Finally, he packs them away and leans back in his chair. He holds out his right hand. His thumb trembles. "Don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this," he says. "That tremor isn't going away. And my memory isn't as good as it used to be."

    He glances around his beloved workshop.

    "I've never thrown anything out," he says. "I got that tripod over there for next to nothing. Never know when I might need it."

    He pulls a deck of cards out of his battered briefcase. He shuffles in silence, lost in thought.

    "When I die," he finally says, "all this will be hauled off to the dump."

    He wipes his eyes. A cold, he says as he briefly turns away. Just a cold. He clears his throat and holds out the deck.

    "Take a card," he says. "Please, take a card."



    Dear Mr Hallman,

    I really enjoyed your profile of Jerry Andrus, published in yesterday's Oregonian. I haven't been able to get over the possibility that his creative legacy might very well end up in the dump when he dies. Surely there must be a better way to honor someone that special and well-regarded! Some university would surely love to have his papers, and the city of Albany should want to turn his house into a museum.

    Such possibilities require both energy and funding, assuming Mr Andrus is at all interested in the first place. As the writer of this article, you may already know of well-qualified folks stepping forward to see if they can help out with such an effort.

    If nobody else has the skills or impetus to help, I'm wondering if you could help me get in touch with Mr Andrus. I would very much like to see if I can help him preserve his work--or at least put him in touch with people who can.

    I grew up in the Willamette Valley; I was trained as a research scientist; I've returned to the world from a few years living in two Zen monasteries, and have recently moved to Corvallis. I have plenty of energy, a fair amount of time, and a great respect for quirkiness and genius. I'm also not afraid to ask questions, get in touch with people, and generally pursue a project.

    If journalistic protocol or your own standards preclude your putting me in touch with Mr Andrus, of course that's 100%_ OK_. I can always go to Albany and poke around on my own. Still, you might be able to tell me that others are already looking into this effort. And if it does make sense to try to help out, you could give me some idea for how to approach Mr Andrus. He seems like quite a character.

    Many thanks,

    Delia Garigan (aka "Shu")

    Thursday, October 13, 2005

    Suzuki Shunryu Roshi on Monastic Life

    "When I was at Eiheiji monastery in Japan, everyone was just doing what he should do. That is all. It is the same as waking up in the morning; we have to get up. At Eiheiji monastery, when we had to sit, we sat; when we had to bow to Buddha, we bowed to Buddha. That is all. And when we were practicing, we did not feel anything special. We did not even feel that we were leading a monastic life. For us, the monastic life was the usual life. But once I had left Eiheiji and been away for some time, coming back was different. I heard the various sounds of practice - the bells and the monks reciting the sutra - and I had a deep feeling. There were tears flowing out of my eyes.

    It is the people who are outside of the monastery who feel its atmosphere. Those who are practicing actually do not feel anything. I think this is true for everything. When we hear the sound of the pine trees on a windy day, perhaps the wind is just blowing, and the pine tree is just standing in the wind. That is all that they are doing. But the people who listen to the wind in the tree will write a poem, or will feel something unusual. That is, I think, the way everything is."